For My Mother, Born August 7th 1935, Support the Pearl S. Buck Birthplace

Mom’s 70th Birthday with my niece and nephew


There is so much about my work at the Pearl S. Buck Birthplace and my life in West Virginia that makes me think of my mother.  She would have hated the snakes and loved the birds!  She would have loved the country homes, but hated the widespread poverty.  I often find myself taking pictures of things in the Pearl Buck Birthplace, brightly colored birds, or unabashed wildlife staring at me defiantly from my yard and thinking, I can’t wait to show this to Mom!

She would have been very proud of my work here, though like my father is now, she would have been concerned about me getting by on the modest stipend of an Americorps Volunteer.  Still she would have approved.
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5th Anniversary of Her Passing

My mother's grave. My father will be buried alongside her.

Today is the fifth anniversary of my mother’s passing. There’s not much else to say that I didn’t already in a previous blog post except that I miss her immensely. There are times when I feel rudderless or lack confidence that I wish she were here. Mom never really told me what to do with my life, but she was always my strongest supporter and she just always made me feel like I could do anything.  My ego and self-confidence have never been strong.  I think she knew that and did here best to cultivate them.  Everyone should have someone like that in their lives.

I am closer than every to my father now, and I am grateful for that.  It’s kind of a cliche to say, but my parents are my heroes, more so than any celebrity, public official, intellectual or anyone I know.  So I welcome this chance to get to know on a deeper level the man who inspires me  so much
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In fact, all of my family have been drawn closer by missing mom!  She was a woman who gave so much for others, and perhaps this was her last gift to us, forcing us all to realize how much we matter to one another.  Thanks Mom!

 

Arlene J. Toler, An Extraordinary Woman

Arlene J. Toler and her son Michael

Arlene J. Toler and her son

Today, August 7, is my mother’s birthday. When she was alive I probably would have remembered, but I might well have forgotten. Since her passing, however, it seems I never forget, not only her birthday, but the anniversary of her marriage to my father and anniversary of her passing.

My mother was not an extraordinary woman by the standards of History with a capital H. She didn’t change the course of civilization or impact the lives of millions. But she was an extraordinary woman. My mother and father both worked very hard to make sure that we were happy and successful.  They gave everything they could to ensure our success, but it is only now I realize how much.

I don’t wish to canonize my mother. She was far from perfect. For example, there was a time when I began to assert my independence that she found that difficult and it strained our relationship.
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My mother grew up poor, yet she did all she could to make sure we had every advantage she didn’t. Both of my parents did, and every success I have in life I owe to the opportunities that they created for me.  All of my failings stem from my inability to take full advantage of them.

Even more than all that my mother was my moral support, my friend and confidant. Whether it was sitting at a table with me working on an elementary school report, defending me to my junior high school teachers, cutting out and sending me Doonesbury from our local paper while I was overseas, or supporting life choices after I left home, she has been there for me.

Both mom and dad have. I have been VERY lucky in that regard. So this is in loving memory of Mom on her birthday. Mom, I love you, I thank you, and I know you will always be with me.